Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Monday, July 31, 2006
confessions of a teenage drama queen PART II
Current mood: contemplative
Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (part II)
Here I am again, giving you part 2 of my confessions
Let me tell you first the story that is freshly- squeezed from yesterday. Recently, I had a man, a 29 year old guy whom I met in the chatroom. To make the long story short, I'll jump on the part that we are already attached.
So this was it, we had those teeny bopperish bonding to intimate fetishes. U know that kind of thing, the usual standard norms of having a boyfriend or girlfriend, but suddenly, we part our ways.. the reason? I dont know! And I bet he will not have a reason for that, because I gave him everything, more than he is asking for.. but Oh well! Thats the risk of ending up with a may-december love affair, if you are too weak to swim on the ocean, youll just get carried by the strong waves, then take you to a place wherever they want and you can not do something about it, you are swept away Youre weak, and the wave is so strong.
After the break up, I did not know how or what to feel, but I end up Blaming myself for falling in love too easily, being too emotional and trusting a guy so fast. He never really loved me at all, all he wanted was somebody who cares, somebody to hold him and somebody who he could play as a toy,
and for the gazillion times, I will say my feeling again to the man that who-I-must-not-say-the-name.
yes it is him, the person whom I gave an open letter, the cherry of the cake of my first confessions, the man who had been the life in the air that I breathe.
Ive been all over heaven and hell, Ive seen a million different faces, but through the crowds and places, still I am looking for him, asking myself Where is he now?
Sometimes, there were tricks playing on my mind that hes just around me, and whenever I met somebody who looks like him, I unconsciously stop and stare in the middle of nowhere, thinking what we could have been if he and I were he and me,,, but I miss the chance, and chances are wont be coming back to me.
And so as he does have somebody in his arms now,.. If ever you see her, I dont evoke thee to make any hasty conclusions hmmmm why??? HE loves Her, SHE loves Him I dont have the right to interfere in their affinity, so I just have to sit back and watch my world disappear..
Lately, I cant be happy for anyone. I dont look at any other pretty faces nor make some fast-fling relationship I cant control my system, my emotions has its own mind and without ever noticing, I suddenly felt that my doors are closing.. yes, I am already NUMB!
Perhaps, I had enough.. Funny how easy it was too fall in and out of love, you just dont know what are you gonna expect,, and so I become so NUMB! Yes, I dont know will I ever love again?? Uh-uh! Not today, but tomorrow it may change.
i have to let go of the person that I had learned to love and let go all the emotions. But whats worst to come? Holding on to the memories, that is already tarnished and broken.
TAKE ME TO A PLACE WHERE I AM BLINDED BY THE LIGHT, BUT ITS NOT RIGHT
I WONT BE FINE, I AM GOOD AS A ROBOT MACHINE.
MY HEART IS BROKEN INTO PIECES, SO SMALL THAT IT COULD FIT THE EYE OF THE NEEDLE.
My life is just like an apartment, people always come but they always go when they found a home. So Im hoping that there still a person who would come to me and make me his home his home forever til the time is through and for the eras to come, I hope that person will stay with me forever
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