Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Director’s cut: No Lights, No Camera, No ActionDirector’s cut: No Lights, No Camera, No Action
Sometimes, it is only by being brutally honest with ourselves that we can begin to move on. Sometimes, if you are having difficulty coming to terms
with something, all you need to do is to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.
I was very struck by what he said and that night, for the first time, I moved away from my disappointment and look at my relationship and its entirety. That was the moment of my epiphany. It was as tough as I finally forgotten right lens on my glasses and I could suddenly see what was plainly obvious all along. My affair had not been as wonderful as I had led myself to believe; the “life in the air I breathe” had not loved me as I deserved. Somewhere along the way, we had drifted apart and forgotten how to make each other happy and how to console one another. In the end, neither of us was getting what we wanted or needed out of the relationship. It wasn’t a case of us deserving to be with better people, we just deserved to be in better relationship, which I concluded.
A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP can never ever exist in the real world, or even in novels such as Erich Segal’s love story, Oliver and Jennifer never had a permanent and perfect love story; and so as it can also happen not only to me, but to almost everybody in this whole damn world. Fate has been so playful, it always presents a lot of ironies in being in love and a lot of never ending pain and suffering. But why is it like that? When suffering from a broken heart we all have a morbid tendency to remember only the good things about a relationship. But these memories, far from
making us happy, only serve to haunt us by playing over and over in our heads like pop songs that get too much air time. We tend to gloss over all the things that weren’t perfect about the relationship. All of a sudden, all those things about the past love that used to appall us suddenly seem charming and endearing. Why it is the memories of how they made us laugh are so much more vivid than the memories of how they made us cry?
It’s because human beings are born frailty when it comes to that thing called love, we are always whip by cowardice whenever we are about to accept the bitter truth, afraid that reality may bite us so hard more than we could take.
I know, of course I’ll always know, and it made me think that I already mastered all the tricks and trade of the game of love.
I’ve been in love before, it’s like a narcotic. At first, it brings the euphoria of complete surrender. The next day, you want more. You’re not addicted yet, but you like the sensation, and you think you can still control things. You think about the person you love two minutes, and forget them for three hours. But then you get used to that person, and you begin to be completely dependent on them. Now you think about that person for three hours and forget him for two minutes. If that person is not around, you feel like an addict who can’t get fix. And just as addicts steal and humiliate themselves to get what they need, you’re willing to do anything for love.
And that just disgust me! Doing everything and giving anything but more often, you’re not getting any thing that you should deserve. It’s so unjust and so unfair. But why we’re still giving in despite of the sufferings that it always brings us? …that? I do not know, but whatever the reason is? I hate it!
In the real world, where there is no lights, no camera and no action that follows us in every step of our move, Love is so complicated! It is imbalanced. And to make things worse, it is a KILLER, Love is a killer! It kills us gently and passionately.
Labels: my thoughts that burning
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